I don't usually update this journal but I really need to get my feelings out so I am going to now...
I just got back from panama city beach where I went for a 4th of july vacation with my 3 other friends.. Tala, Susan, and Katie.. The trip was basically a big blurr of funnels, beer, liquor, margaritas, sand, ocean, bars, and boys.. which was great! I needed a break from my 8-5 mon-fri job! We had met some interesting guys thoughout the days and nights but 2 inparticular stuck out to me. On the 1st night I met a REALLY tall (like 6'5) guy and we danced and drank together and I came to find out he was a professional baseball player that had just signed .. he was only 23 years old! by the end of the night the bartender brings him his bill.. it was a $800 bar tab...!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. anyways we ended up hooking up and I hated it... he was so disrespectful and expected so much more from me than I was willing to do and I was probably the drunkest I have EVER been so I felt like he was taking full advantage of me which I didn't like.. so after they got back to my place I just left the car and was like... bye.. so they left.. so after that I wasn't really all that interested in meeting any other guys... but that all changed on the last night we were there...
My friends and I met these 5 boys at this bar called salty's. They are all in the US Navy and really nice guys. I was a little drunk needless to say and I was trying to tell one of the guys (a leuitenant to be exact..haha) that I gave him "props" for driving and being the DD that night but instead I accidentally said.. I "propose" .. so all night long we were joking about how we were married and about where we were going to honeymoon and just joking around.. anyways he ended up staying the night at my place.. but unlike almost every guy I have ever met at a bar.. he was SO respectful and gentlemenly and we kissed but that was it.. the rest of the night we layed on the beach and just talked about EVERYTHING.. he had just gotten back from Iraq (he had been stationed there for a year) and so we talked about all of that and like we seriously just clicked.. so the next day he said.. lets hang out today too.. so we went back to the navy base and got his stuff and then went to the beach with my friends and spent my entire last day together.. we were together for like... 20 hours straight ever since we had met... so when I had to leave it was a little weird because we knew we would probably never see eachother again and I seriously felt like I had known him forever at this point.. but he said..do you think we should exchange numbers? and I don't know why but I said... i don't know if that is a good idea because we live so far apart and I really doubt we will ever see eachother and that will just make it harder.. so he was like.. ok.. and we didn't.. so the whole drive home I felt sick to my stomach and when I got home I looked him up on facebook (it is just like myspace for those of you who don't know) and now all I can do is wait. but it was seriously the craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I have NEVER had a connection like that with anyone .. let alone in a 20 hour span of time. only thing is.. he is 26.. and I am only 19 so BIG age difference.. but it didn't feel that way at all.. ahhh... it just really sucks that he lives like 7 hours from me...
I still feel sick to my stomach thinking that I will probably never see him again and I know it sounds crazy trust me.. before this I was one of those girls that always said..I don't believe that you can fall in love in one night or meet someone on vacation that you really connect with .. but it happened.. and I can't explain it. All I know is that I cannot get him off my mind.. and if nothing is going to develop out of it at all then I just want to forget the whole thing because I hate feeling like this.. but I also can't just forget yet until I know how he feels because I think it was the same way and I really need to know...
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